Yesterday was a weird day. I had some unusual vision things going on and numbness in my hands in the afternoon. The doctor couldn't diagnose over the phone so around 9:00 my husband and I ended up in the ER (a generous friend and neighbor camped out on our couch). Then, to rule out any weird brain/sinus blood clots, they did an MRI.
So there I was near midnight, stuck in the tube for 40 minutes. I get claustrophobic crawling underneath a bed, so I knew I needed to breath. It would be really embarrassing if I had press the panic button they had gently placed in my fingers before covering my eyes with a towel and sandwiching my head between the headrest and earphones. I prayed.
You know the kinds of thoughts that come in those situations? What if the unthinkable happens to my baby? What if my children are motherless and my husband a widower? I'd be in heaven, but my poor kids . . .
And you know the simple thing God whispered? It really just needs to be simple for a woman trying not to panic.
My grace is enough for RIGHT NOW. It will also be enough if any of those imagined scenarios in your head come to pass, but right now, my grace is enough for this moment.
CLINK CLINK, POUND POUND. WHIRRRR. (Those machines are SO loud!). But my breathing slowed and I knew I wouldn't need that panic button.
I didn't know that all would be okay once I got out, but I didn't need to, because HIS grace and sovereignty had completely covered my space for that time.
The doctor came back and happily told us that my brain is normal, and what I experienced was likely some form of migraine (which I never get) and complications from a UTI. I hear they can make old ladies act a little crazy.
I'll get back to my relational grace series next week, but for now I'm resting and on to live another day being mamma to this family!